Just Before I turn 22

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Just Before I turn 22

Just before I turn 22. Just before you get older that you think highly of your priorities and where you want to go and what you want to do in your entire life. The passion which you think keeps you alive. Just before I turn 22 that I think highly of where I should focus and where I should start.

I have a bucket list: Just as any young person would.

I want to go to a bar alone, chill out without the intention of meeting someone. I always tell my friends I am not into dating at this time. That’s after two consecutive heartbreaks. I see this bar in front of my room’s balcony and I see the people spending their night with some bottles of beer and tacos and enchiladas. And it would be sad to be sitting there alone smoking and drinking. But I’ve learned how to manage being alone. There’s a difference between wanting to just be alone and being lonely.

I want to start cooking certain recipes fo breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And then level up to baking and making indulging pastry products. It’s because of this Table For Two book by my all time favorite author, Nora Roberts.

I want to be going out of town someday with this in mind: “No one would hell care what my purpose is and no one knows who I am.” And seems like I’ve been doing that since I worked.

I want to finish my self-written top three songs and play them everytime I jam. I have them already!

I want to learn how to drive a car like no other girl does.

I want to be as sexy as I can be even after eating a bunch of cookies or a bowl of ice cream. Impossible.

I want to enroll in a spanish class because I just want to. Well I have y own app in my phone (wink). LOL.

I want to get my writings published and get paid by doing it. Actually, earning an audience is my goal at this time.

I want to put up a business with a person who really holds to a decision.

In a short time, I want to buy my own space and put up my own place.

One thing I can keep as a promise though, I won’t stop celebrating my life my wonderful parents gave me. That’s the most vivid picture in my mind right now. They've let me become independent. And now I’m making my own decisions.

Sometimes, being too artistic means wanting to know and try everything. As a writer with passion, a singer with character, and a learner by heart, I honestly do not know where I will be. I’ve finished a degree in communication arts. To me, entering the media world sucks. I don’t know anyone and I just have to click ever ‘apply’ button in a job finder website and no one responds to it. I want to know which this leads me to.

The line I won’t ever forget from an employer  from a broadcasting industry was, “you’re just nineteen, how can you cope wih the reporters and field works here.” Really, how can one get an experience if you don’t let them try?

Royale Club 2017

Royale Club 2018

And by the way, I began writing this in front of an infinite pool, mid year. I was also here last year, with nothing in mind but being in love. Can I ask some favor? Will you read this while imagining my voice saying it to you in a poetic manner? Thanks! If you haven’t heard me speak, you can privately message me on facebook @meaganmangoma.

I realized the heat now is more tolerable than the last time I came here. The shower was even hotter. But now, it's more tolerable. I even got to enjoy the heat. And accepted the fact that we're in Laguna, place for numerous hot spring venues with a nature view. And then I came to understand that growing older and growing up at the same time means being able to tolerate what appeared to be very tough and hard before. You learn to manage everything more at your own convenience. I’ve learned how to say no. I’ve learned how to talk back without sounding stubborn.

After the team building, as usual, I went back to work, I haven't had any gym sessions after that because it was so rainy and I had to think more of getting to the office without getting wet from the storm. But my body seriously yearns for pain, so on the seventh day, I did a 40-minute house workout instead. LOL.

At 21, I had to understand that not everything can be done at the same time. Considering the time to be spent, the money that could be wasted and that could be managed. I was thinking everytime I wake up, if what I am doing would really make up something for my future.

When I was in college, I used to dream a lot of what I am living to right now. I wished I was in a band. And I am in a band right now. Though I am not really full time into it. What I know is I want to get a little bit of everything I have been dreaming of. I wanted to learn how to drive a car, and I already got my own car under my name and I don’t even know how to drive yet! I wanted to buy anything I want and that's exactly what I am doing since I started working. From food to clothes to shoes. I pampered myself. I went to my hometown anytime I want and went home to a boyfriend who just cheated on me. I started investing on the seventh month of my work life. That’s getting a return at age thirty. An insurance. See, I am not a fan of fancy signature clothes and stuff, instead, overtime, I learned that choosing items with best quality is what should matter most. And buying one of those branded things won’t hurt for quality’s sake. And I don’t have any intention of showing off what I’ve got, in social media at least. I want to travel outside the country, and after seven months of getting my passport, I have had a scheduled flight to Thailand already for first month of 2019.

And to me, now, quality is in everything, from every person I meet and I already met and knew to clothes to shoes and bags to TIME. The most important thing, the quality of time spent. Again, as they say, it's not the number of years that you've lived that counts, it's how you lived in those existing years you've had. Living is life. And having a life doesn't always mean you've been living. Really. I’d like to think I’m promiscuous. But not the type that’s engaged in a lot of relationships but dreams and adventures. I’d say I’m an adventurous more than promiscuous.

I dreamed of having a book published, at least a compilation of my writings from blogspot.com, I realized I have to search for a very good publisher and have an access to lots of contacts first. Fulfilling our dream will actually cost us a lot. But being happy is everything we are willing to pay for. Tell me, why are all those guys going to bar, travelling, studying hard? It's for happiness. Tell me why do we invest in loving someone even if we're not sure of them? Being happy, I guess, sometimes demands for sacrifice and your time. A lot of time. And still leaves you with pain once you fail. And if failure is a choice, I will never buy that. Instead, I’d like to think everyone who are at my age to turn something bad into something good, a disadvantage to advantage, a misfortune to fortune, a negative to positive, a hatred to love. Reverse the psychology.

And I am thinking maybe that is just one ticket for us to experience a love that's sure and secure. A life that’s full of definition, challenge, and experience. A love that's found its happiness, home, and meaning. A love that does not yearn for other's love but only our love and time. So what are we really talking about when we're talking about love? Happiness, maybe.

It's every little thing that could come in between things you don't even know exist. The intensity in the emotion you have toward that person, the sacrifice you would give for that person, a dream you might give up for that person. But don't ever give your personality up for that person. Because in the first place, you should be accepted no matter who and what you are.

I also wished I had a degree in Psychology, but we don't have to have one to identify and evaluate who we should be and what we should be saying towards others, instead, I had a degree in English Studies major in Communication Arts, as I believed communication is always the key to transposing proper understanding between you and yourself, you and other people, you and the social media world, you and your fantasies, you and your dreams. You and your family. Communication will always be there. And I have to be present in every area I will ever experience, the presence of knowledge of knowing how to communicate with all the types of people there is in this world and understanding what they are, what they were, and who they really are is all that it takes, I suppose.

But I have my ultimate dreams after all. To host a travel show or to sing in front of millions of people. Question is, with everything that I'm doing, do they really help on making me achieve these ultimate dreams? 

I love singing and writing and I want to be famous. Inside me this is what I am saying. Because having a mind that's so hungry for creativity and artistry and beauty around her is sometimes cluttered for there's a lot of things that it wants. Aside from money, it wants every beautiful thing and the hardest part is everything is beautiful because being artistic is being positive with everything that you see, seeing the light in every dark place, seeing the smile in every sad face. Seeing the energy in every tired soul. That’s why I want to see the world, because I know my difference with all those other travellers. It is seeing everything that cannot be seen by the naked eye but the open mind and soul. I’m blessed I have that gift. Not eveyone has that.

 I would say I am very lucky to see the pink in blank. The positive in negative. The happiness in loneliness, the music in silence and the purpose of an empty can. To see the treasure in pleasure.

I have written something that goes like this in my 21st. And thinking how it went, in a year, there were a lot of changes and realizations. Whether it be about love, life, preferences, dreams, goals, achievements, focus and intentions. And then I realized that with everything I've said and everything that I'm doing leads me to wanting to achieve this; to be genuinely happy and financially and emotionally free. That is the dream of everybody isn't it? Whatever we are doing we are doing for the sake of being happy and contented and being able to tell ourselves, "I am doing what I love and what I want."

Drop by my instagram @chasingmeagan and facebook page @meagamangoma and greet me a Happy Birthday on my 22nd this September 29, 2018. See you all there! This serves as your invitation. Welcome to my world and be my guest!

P.S. You can freely comment what you think of this piece I made.

Love, 

Meagan